I haven't been blogging very much lately but a lot of stuff have been going on. I didn't feel very comfortable putting in writing my thoughts as they have been very confused and I have been changing my mind continuously.
I am still working at the power plant on an internship for €880 a month (roughly $1285). There is no serious contract ahead but I saw by mistake a folder on my boss'boss computer with my name on it and a project based contract. I read the law regarding this kind of jobs and it's say it is not applicable for professionals who belongs to a professional associations like lawyers, architects, engineers, ... So it is going to be a kind of contract below my level. With this kind of contract I should be able to work when I want and as long as I want: I just have to meet the deadlines of the project and deliver the job.
The point is that I won't be working on my own, but together with colleagues, therefore the job is not entirely up to me. I could take 3 weeks off of vacations but I don't think I will be able to deliver the project on time because when someone else I depend on is missing, my whole work get slowered down.
I don't know the amount I am gonna get paid for this project, nor the lenght of the project. You might say I shouldn't feel baffled or sad as long as I don't know the retribuition, but I already feel restless.
Anyway, as I already told you in my older posts, I came home after university and I am not very happy about my social life here. I live with mommy, my friends are married or are going to marry their longlife boyfriend next year. I can't afford to rent a place, I can't afford to pay my car's insurance.
I noticed I have been spending too much extra hours at job just because I had nothing more outside the office but DVDs and computer. I played all the hobby I had during last year and now I am already bored.
On one lazy night it popped in my head the thought that I might enroll at the university again. It will be full of young people I don't know yet and I would get back in a younger and above average cultural environment.
I told about this thing to several ppl. Everybody told me it was a bad idea because I just finished university and I just started working. It was time to focalize my efforts on jobs and studying was going to take my time and attention off to work.
But I already saw that as hard as you work, your effort are pointless if your colleagues don't do the same. And you won't get more money if you finish a work earlier (maybe someone above you will).
I don't want to sacrifice for my job since it doesn't pay. I will try with the Economy faculty, the lessons are going to start next Wednesday but I will be not attending them (except perhaps the first ones so that I get to know ppl). When I went to enroll at the university I felt so old comparing to the other people there! I kept thinking about their crazy hairs, the odd clothes, the expensive Gucci shoes,...
This is not my previous university, but anyway I felt an outsider even there, just like I felt too young and full of life for my working environment which is populated with people int heir mid 50ies just looking to retire.
I'm a jut stuck in this limbo between the will to grow up and get MY life and the feeling that independency will come in a couple of years, so I might as well keep my mind trained studying something different than engineering.